Did you have other birth moms in your life when you were going through the adoption process? If so, did this help and how? If not, would that have been helpful?
I did have other birth moms in my life at the time that I was going through the pregnancy. They weren’t physically in the same state that I was in. It was an online group that I found. Back then the yahoo chat room and stuff were very popular and so I kind of typed in adoption support in the Yahoo chat room groups search just to see what was out there. And I was able to find a birth mom support group that I’m still actively in. They were extremely supportive, they came from all walks of life. Mothers had placed their children 20 years prior, others just placed maybe a couple of months prior. We had a very large range of birth moms in that group.
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I remember that we would chat on a Friday night in a chat room and there’d be 20 of us sitting in. We would act like sisters because we were kind of somewhat bonded as sisters. I remember the night that I actually went to labor, I’m sitting in my bedroom talking to my birth mom girlfriends and like, “Hey Amy, how’s it going?” and I’m like, “What? I think I’m timing my contraction.” It was so exciting to see all of their excitements. Like, “Okay, tell me when you start, tell me when you stop.” They helped me time to see and then they said, “Okay, I think it’s time for you to probably go to the hospital. It was helpful because prior to going into labor I was able to ask them their own thoughts and fears and what they went through and what to possibly expect when it did come time and I was able to express my thoughts and fears of what I was going through and my grief and guilt of placing this child into an adoption even if it was an open adoption. I really felt there was a support.
Even still to this day, almost 12 years later, I’m still in that same support group and we really are like sisters. I’ve met several of them in person and when we meet in person we feel like we’ve known each other all of our lives. It’s like an instant connection. It’s not a weird connection of “Who are you? I don’t know if I know you.” and you just know, you instantly know, and we went out to dinner. So far some people think that we’re just sisters sitting around and talking or best friends talking.
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